For over a month…. I’ve been dealing with a mystery illness. I’ve gone through lots of testing and my doctor has decided that I’m just a puzzle that can’t be solved right away. In the meantime, I get to try to act like I’m functioning as normal when I’m really not myself. It’s been going on so long I have a new sense of normal.
I decided that I wouldn’t tell people until I had more answers, because I couldn’t explain what was going on necessarily and I have trouble keeping everyone in the loop. Now it’s gone on for so long that I’m not certain I can keep up with just being quiet. It’s hard enough keeping up with my job and being a wife and mother -much less being a good friend or communicator.
The truth of it is that at first they thought my gallbladder was quitting and while looking at that they found that my right kidney is not draining properly. They have not found any stones- in fact so far they have said my gallbladder and renal system all look great (other than the draining kidney part). There is no block or kink to be found. Nothing… thousands of dollars later and nothing. My blood work is completely normal other than low Vitamin D…. which is not a new diagnosis for me.
The problem is that my symptoms don’t match with the kidney problem. I’m mostly just sick to my stomach and survive on sprite and lots of medications. So there is something else wrong with me. They’ve decided it may still be my gallbladder. I’m still going through testing. I’m still not sure what is going on, but I figure it’s time I just say what’s going on so when I show up at your holiday party and fall asleep in your recliner you’ll understand. Or if I decline your offer for something you just know it’s not personal I’m not well.
I don’t want to leave my home for the most part and I am extremely tired. I could have an entire house full of wonderful friends I haven’t seen in ages and I’m in bed anyways. I go to bed rather early so last night when I went to see my favorite band the Avett Brothers… I totally fell asleep sitting up during the second half of the show. My husband has been a trooper with the housework and caring for the kids and picking up my slack. My children know that I’m tired, but they don’t seem to really see me as sick… maybe this is their new normal too. My students have been caring and flexible and have shown me so much respect in that. My coworkers are helpful and understanding – constantly checking on me and praying for me. My inner circle that have known what is going on is a small group of people, but they have been amazingly supportive.
So in all my thankfulness I would sum it up with my husband and inner circle of support I’ve had the last month. My husband has washed nearly every dish, has done so much for the kids, pets, cars, and so on. He’s not a big fan of me being sick. We don’t get to spend a lot of time together. I’m not exactly a fun date or enjoyable company.
With the holidays here at my heels I declined any attempt to decorate for Halloween or Thanksgiving. I’m moving right on to Christmas. I can’t wait to deck the halls. I want my tree up and feel the joy of the season. I’m ready for cold weather, fluffy sweaters, and cozy boots. We’re not doing a normal Thanksgiving this year. We’re up in the air with little direction or decision as to what we want to do. So yeah I’m skipping right on to Christmas.
Also- I want a puppy, but I am in no shape to care for a puppy. I want a fluffy golden retriever puppy. I can have Christmas wishes that aren’t related to my health.
Wish me well and hand me a sprite.