Archive | February 2015

I Was at the Bend When I Fell Through

Last year on the greenway, I was running descending down a steep hill the kind where you start to feel the rush of the world pushing you faster than you would normally go on your own. Upon coming around a bend, I found a large log across the path with my legs coming to a sudden halt shocking my knees. I stood there for a minute wondering if I should just turn and take another route to the greenway. I pondered of what to do and then chuckled at my silliness. I quite easily just climbed over the tree. My legs remembering what to do just began the pace again and I ran on for about ten miles… exactly I don’t recall. I decided upon my return I would go another way home as an out and back run and not to try to climb over the tree again with such tired legs. I avoided that path for weeks. It was easier to take the detour without the journey over the tree.

I have been on a journey on finding the parts that make me whole and it has been amazing. These things include but are not limited to the following: running, chiropractic care, writing, prayer, music, clearing the clutter of home, time with my husband, time with my friends, recognizing those things that eliminated my internal flame, changing my diet, treating myself as an introvert, traveling and so on.

My artery of paths to me have been blocked by trees. I have been too tired to climb over them and instead just chose different paths all together. The problem is that all those paths have not led to me instead they have led to something else… someone else.

I knew that returning to the classroom would be a challenge. I knew that I would have trouble finding the balance. I knew that it would change me. I knew the time I was spending running on the pathway to me would be slowed down. There would be limitations and some paths I wouldn’t make enough time for because I simply can’t make time for it all. I wasn’t anticipating this storm- a massive clog of arteries that caused such intense pressure on the paths. It is like pushed edges of a jigsaw puzzle have caused it all to fall apart. I having survived the storm was alike that frustrating overwhelming feeling after completing a puzzle only to have it all ruined. What does it take to put it all back together again? Do I just shove it all back in the box or begin again to put it all back together?

If I were a broken puzzle, which pieces would I… should I pick up first? If I were to take the path to me again which arterial path is the deepest clog… which path is of greatest concern or which one is best to go over the log first. Should I just start with clearing the smallest easiest clogs or logs first? Which path is closest to the heart of me?

I so desire a run down the main artery of me- a long two to three hour run honestly and less poetically. A quiet meditative moment of prayer that lasts long enough to be assembling and organizing me. To do some assessing of the damages of this storm. I wish that instead of halting and jolting my knees that I had instead pondered and chuckled at myself and just simply found a way to find the strength, the time and the gumption to climb over all of these logs that clogged the arterial pathways of my inner workings.

Advertisements