My blog is trumped by my new job. My job is trumped by my husband. My husband is trumped by my children. I – me… yes me – I get lost in the shuffle of change.
I have been taking the time to run. I am preparing for a half marathon on October 12th. I am working towards this major goal for myself. I am doing my long runs on the weekend and shorter runs during the week. I planned a very hard run this last weekend. I ran nine miles, but I was unfamiliar with the route and it was incredibly challenging.
If I could take a minute to just say I loved operating the daycare and it served its purpose in my life, but I love being back with middle schoolers. They are my niche- previously I would have left drained and exhausted from the emotional mess of the environment in which I was working. This… this is something I can manage. In my fourth week I am waiting to be drained or leave work beaten down. I am not… instead I am inspired and revived… willing to face another day.
My two little ginger babes are doing well. They’ve had some adjustments to me not being home. Ginger boy has never had me gone like this and it’s an odd feeling for him to go to after school care every day. Gingersnap has been doing great. I don’t worry about her much at all. She is such an outgoing and self-reliant person that I don’t worry about her being successful at anything she sets her mind to in her life.
Just like any change our marriage has had an adjustment. The balance of chores and responsibilities are like a Jenga tower. I keep waiting to change one more thing and watch our world fall down. We’ll keep playing along, but it’s exhausting to try to maintain the joy with all the fear of collapse. For a while we were reeling in our budget so that we could make ends meet so we didn’t go on many dates together. We allowed ourselves to be the thing we didn’t spend money on and that was hard.
My moments in the quiet have been simply that when it comes to my faith… moments in the quiet of my thoughts. Prayers for strength, patience, and guidance. Walking into the door of my church… well that’s been on hold while I figure out all of this other juggling and adjustment. I’m sure they miss me… I miss them dearly. I have made it my goal to return now that I have found a bit more life balance.
Although my blogging has taken a back seat to this Jenga game called life… I am journaling before I go to bed. I am keeping a daily notes of my diet and making sure I keep a list of things I would like to do for me. This is an effort on my part to not lose sight of what I need to do for me. It’s tangible in written form.. I can’t deny my plan for myself.
I am taking time to listen to music in the car… late at night… or while my classroom I’m working before and after school. I’ve been listening to a lot of Dan Auerbach. I really like his solo album.
My goal with heading back into the classroom was not to lose myself. When I taught before it was a different world. I was juggling having babies and all the struggles that brought me. I was trying to nurse my babies for as long as possible. I was trying to be a good teacher. I was trying to be a good wife. I was trying to be a leader. I was losing myself and eventually once you are juggling so much you can’t keep hardly a thing going and the first ball I let go of in my juggling act was myself. This time if something falls short… I don’t want it to be myself. It can be my house…. It can be a grade not getting in the grade book, but it will NOT be me.
For the last nearly two years I have been on a journey… many of you have followed me here. I am blessed by the support I receive in all of these travels from folks near and far.
Continue to follow along….