It must be winter in my heart. There is nothing warm in there at all.
2013 started out like a frigid winter for me. I wanted to make some serious changes in myself. I was moving without a map, but I knew where I was going. I prayed for direction and help, because I couldn’t go it alone
Break this tired old routine.
I was looking forward to our 10th anniversary trip and I wanted to feel good by then. I needed to lose weight and I needed to be able to travel so increasing my physical stamina was very important. So I started weight watchers by mid February and started running by April.
Sometimes it knocks me down. Sometimes I just put it away.
I started writing in June. I wrote constantly as a child. I expressed myself poetically when things were bad. It was the best place for me to express the difficulties I was having. After many years of not writing, it was time for me to admit my struggles and passions to myself and to others around me. It was time I opened up my mouth and my mind. For the first time I wrote while I was building up instead of writing while I was falling apart.
Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in. Are you aware the shape I’m in?
On our 10th wedding anniversary we went on an amazing trip to Philadelphia, Boston, Cape Cod, NYC and DC. It was what we needed in so many ways. Time for just us without the children. Keeping this promise to each other that we would do it and make up for lost time. We left worn down and returned refreshed and renewed. What we were not expecting from this trip was to fall in love all over again into what I call a deeper sickening pit of love.
There is no falling back to sleep once you’ve woken from the dream. Now I’m rested and I’m ready to begin.
I returned accomplished in a well planned trip and a heart filled with memories. My running was at an all time high and I felt amazing. I tried harder and harder, but my body needed some other healing. I needed to have surgery to really repair my body. I needed to write to continue to repair my soul.
If I live the life I’m given I won’t be scared to die.
I took life by the horns and it was been an absolutely wonderful year of healing and regenerating myself in so many ways. I let go of some relationships along the way that were negative energies for me and stood strong against those emotions. I walked away unscathed and forever for the better. I won’t ever let people treat me that way again nor will I ever allow someone to puff me out or bring me down.
I’ve never been alive like I am now.
This writing hasn’t been easy on everyone. They didn’t want to hear the things I had to say. I wasn’t quieted by their frustrations I couldn’t be. For the most part people have embraced my courage to express the truths of my life and many have been encouraged by my writing to travel on their own healing journeys. Many have said they couldn’t say the things I did so openly, but the fact that someone else said them healed them somehow.
Be the spark that has a chance to light the candle.
I set off on a journey all on my own. When I ignited my spirit this year it was like lighting a candle- the light has no choice but to be shared by those around you. The heat from the flame warms everyone near and close.
I was lost as lost could be and I was praised for being found.
My hope for 2014 is that I can continue to care for my soul, body and mind. I don’t plan to change my routines that I have now, but to only continue to do the same growth.
Thank you my faithful readers who have read my posts by the thousands and followed me along this journey. I hope I have moved you in directions you needed nudged- made you think differently of me, yourself, or the world- made you feel less alone in your thoughts- made you laugh, smile and cry with heartfelt moments of my life.
All of the above quotes are from Avett Brothers songs. Their poetic verses have brought me great comfort on this journey.
Much love 2013 you were good to me.